On When To Drink

Some drink to make them wide awake, And some to make them sleep;
Some drink because they merry are, And some drink because they weep.
Some drink because they're very hot, And some because they're cold;
Some drink to cheer them when they're young, And some because they're old.
Some drink to give them appetite, And some to aid digestion;
Some, for the doctor says it's right, And some without question.
Some drink when they a bargain make, And some because of loss;
Some drink when they their pleasure take, And some when they are cross.
Some drink for sake of company, While some drink on the sly;
And many drink but never think About the reason why.

--J Milton Smith, Nuts to Crack for Moderate Drinkers, 1890